This week hasn't been great too.
I'm still lonely, and now, what's worse, XiuYi and ChingYee are ignoring me.
I'm really lonely now, no one cares anymore, I guess. Even at band prac, they didn't really talk to me... I'm trying very hard to stop cutting already, haven't did it for days...
But still, I'm left alone.I'm still shunned by them, always being alone in school. Not only has this made it worse, I'm always crying uncontrollably nowadays. I can even 'conjure' up tears any time I want. ChingYee seems to look at me with hateful eyes too. Gives me the feeling that she is looking at vermin. Though we chatted yesterday, she is till like that. Not only that, many others as well. I'm heading for a one-way trip to a mental breakdown.
Why is this happening to me, what have I done wrong? I don't know, only Heaven beholds the answer...

Another news, we are performing on Wednesday, in conjunction with Racial Harmony and the visit by the China people. We are performing 'Simple Gifts', I think. We, the Sec1s, were thrown into the main band just days ago, and were told to perform next week. Gosh, and it's my first band peformance! Sigh, I brought my instrument home for practice, and I found out that if I blow the same tune using the recorder, I can blow faster, like the exact tempo of the piece...
Alas, I can only practice more with my saxophone then...

Well, since no one's gonna be friends with me anymore, I'm harbouring the thought of transferring school. At least, I can go other schools with my current results.
However, I just don't wanna leave you guys, even if you hate me... I dunno how long more till I will breakdown, but when that happens, I'm needing a counsellor. Serious. But I refuse company because of pity, never. I'm not that pathetic. I want, need real friends. Someone that sincerely cares and stays by my side. It's not that hard to ask of someone to be like that. I'm been doing it for years, and no one appreciates it. They just threw me aside after healing. I'm just that pitiful.
School's been really horrible for me. If this continues, I don't think I will be just cutting. I hope not, though.